Have you ever felt that someone else has complete control of your destiny? Knowing that their decision will herald the next chapter of your life and that there is nothing more that you can do to influence them?
If you have been in this position, like me, you may have lain awake long into the night mulling things over, not sure if, or when, the master is thinking of you, when and how they will choose to play their hand on your life, let alone relay it to you. Well, this was the state of limbo that I found myself in a few months ago.
Checking for missed calls.
Thinking the worst.
Starting to go a bit crazy.
(You’ll know the drill!)
Strangely (and thankfully), for me, whichever way things were going to turn out had the potential to be good, but I knew that not to get the opposite outcome in each case would also be disappointing i.e. I would have it all if I could!
Now that the dust has settled, I believe that to have been forced to actually make a decision by myself on this matter would have been really tough. Perhaps to have had it taken out of my hands and decided arbitrarily by “the master” was actually for the best in the long run.
I still hate and hated feeling like an item on someone else’s agenda, mind you.
So, one Friday afternoon at 3pm my phone rang and I knew that I was finally to be alleviated of my wait. The result of the call was a bitter sweet parting of ways with this particular master of destiny; a question of business logistics that were no longer practical. There were silent tears and fond farewells but as soon as I had signed off, I began to feel an overwhelming sense of relief, like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
I realised that I had been worrying and obsessing for months about where this relationship was going and perhaps, in my heart of hearts, I knew all along that it was going nowhere. I just didn’t want to let anyone down by resigning.
I hated quitters, which, as it turns out, was my biggest mental block here. My attitude was ingrained, an occupational hazard that came with the territory. The actual truth was that the effort I was putting into the hours, the travelling and the output far outweighed the benefits I was reaping from the job.
The shackles of a steady and secure income had blinded me from seeing change as a sometime good thing. I felt free again!
I suppose that one of the morals of this story is that the age old cliche “what is meant for you won’t pass you by.” And possibly more pertinently, “always stay one step ahead of change.”
I’m sure that I’m not alone in passionately wanting to make every project work, but sometimes the time comes where you just have to admit defeat.
And Im pleased to say that I can now mean that in a positive, head held high way.
I’m now it the throws of another fun, exciting and fulfilling project and thankfully my other day job means that I will get to stay in the gorgeous west end of Glasgow until spring year at least, which I am delighted about.
Have you ever been in this position? How did it resolve itself? Were you pro-active or did you let fate take its course? Do you regret your choice?