And so, not for the first time, I find myself in a period of extreme frustration and procrastination.
I’m in a total guddle.
Yup, it’s my old pal Change, back to taunt and tease me with his panacean promises again.
And this time he’s not just here about my writing. It’s everything. All the strands of my life seem to be up in the air and as usual the only cure to the anxiety surrounding new beginnings is the ever so slow passage of time.
To give you a flavour. We’re moving on soon.
Not just to a new house but to a new continent.
We’ll need to learn a new language (no problem) and put down some roots in Scotland before we go (ok, fine) but as yet we’re not sure whether or not we will be transferred to London to join the new team in the interim (arrrgh!)
I love London, but it’s holding bay becomes a terrifying prospect when factoring in the cost of even semi-good living down there. You can look at doubling the cost of renting an apartment and then throw in a few rats and a two-hour daily commute for starters. Goodbye house deposit.
There are several other complicating family matters that I won’t bore you with at the moment, but suffice to say, answers to if and when all this is happening are key to our short-term plans right now.
On the flip side, I’m ridiculously excited. It’s an amazing opportunity. Notionally, a move overseas has been on the cards for years with my husband’s chosen career path and we’ve been feeling ready for another move for a while. As a couple, we’ve always been fairly nomadic in our pursuit of life fulfilment. It’s just the way we roll.
I just want to go NOW!!
Of course, with kids forming part of the equation, decisions and making the right ones take on epic, nausea inducing proportions that are impossible to make in the abstract until opportunities arise. I admire peers who don’t seem phased by this. I’m proud that we haven’t chickened out.
I’ve written in the past about the unpleasant power that can be wielded by third-party decision makers when it comes to the ability to make one’s individual life decisions freely.
That experience taught me that for change to be good, it’s always best to stay ahead of the curve if you want to retain control of your own destiny.
Despite living this learning, the same issue arises again. This time, the gatekeeper is the slow coach in HR who doesn’t seem to appreciate how important securing a simple “yes” or “no” is in our grand scheme.
So right now, I’m just wading through mud waiting for an update.
I guess what I’m saying is – if you’re a boss, a case worker, or even just a referee – please pull your finger out and spare a thought for the person having sleepless nights waiting for you to put them out of their misery!
I conclude by sticking by my theory that change is great, but that patience is a necessary virtue and something that I seemingly don’t possess!
Have you ever courted change only to discover your elation to be thwarted by “those in charge” at every turn? Or do you think life is all about manoeuvering around gatekeepers?