At the end of a week consisting of around twenty hours on zoom, I had anticipated regretting booking myself in for my monthly women’s new moon meditation group.
I have spoken about the role this group plays in my life previously. During early lockdown in 2020, I wanted to challenge myself to connect more broadly and deeply with other women; and particularly those from a more diverse mix of ages and backgrounds. I am one of the younger attendees, and really benefit from hearing about these other women’s lives. We each take the floor and talk about our ups and downs for that month. The rule is that no one can interrupt, we listen and hold the space for emotions, tears and stories to come tumbling out. We are forced to feel discomfort and work it through. It is therapy with a small “t,” and for those who habitually play “whack a mole” with hard emotions (me), I would whole heartedly recommend it.
I have often felt disconnected from other women, which I think is perhaps born out of a deep seated insecurity that I don’t really fit in unless I behave in a way to make others more comfortable. I’m slowly getting better at sharing my endless interests, enthusiasms and occasional achievements in the face of my misplaced shame, fear and embarrassment. Rather than keeping quiet therefore, I have been pleasantly surprised at how supportive everybody has been. Previously, I was regarded as a bit of a dark horse!
Another personal development area I have been working on is finding my voice. I have no problem writing down the bare bones but saying emotional stuff (or anything really) out loud fills me with dread. Between my YouTube videos, meditation circle and another fantastic group of women I am working with at the moment (more soon!) I finally feel like my confidence to speak publicly without shrivelling up and dying is finally getting somewhere. Practice, practice, practice is a very true mantra.
Today I am grateful for a having had and survived a very full and fulfilling week.
At the end of the meditation group, our amazing hostess draws a card from a pack with a message for us. This might feel a bit woo-woo to some but you’d be amazed at how often the pick is just right for the speaker as they are right now. I have shared my card below, it couldn’t be more perfect for how I feel at the moment.
Have a wonderful and serene Saturday! X