I don’t care anymore

Isn’t it wonderful coming to the realisation that you no longer care about something that was once everything? Yup, go ahead and twist that knife – I can’t feel it anymore.

Being the sensitive soul that I am, emotional scars run deep – which basically incorporates anything I care passionately about vis a vis life’s inevitable changes, stops or moving ons – aka a shed load of emotional baggage!

Like the sweet spot in a job where you know what you’re doing, doing it well and love your close colleagues… and then they start moving on. Heartbreaking!

Or the first boyfriend you adored as a teen but then grow out of, move on, but are then haunted with nostalgia for years afterwards.

Or the best friends you lose through petty disputes that you can never quite swim back up the river to once the hey days pass under the bridge.

I realise I’m a person that tends to look back with regret wondering what I could have done differently; rather than seriously analysing whether the other person carries liability or indeed whether, as is most likely, it’s just one of those things and all a part of my own squiggly fate line.

Lately, I’m starting to realise that I can get to a point where I can authentically say that I don’t care anymore about these things just by meditating on the ebb and flow of life and letting go. Rather than ruminating for years on matters, it feels so liberating just to sit with the hurt and nostalgia and recognise that 1) this feeling will pass 2) new life will be born and 3) in time, sooner than I think, this will no longer be in my top 10 subjects to brood over.

This form of combining practical mindfulness, meditation, self-compassion and the forgiveness of others has been learnt from my studies on religion and spirituality over the last couple of years. This plus giving up alcohol (437 days!) has been a recipe that works for me and has allowed my emotional maturity and ability to set personal boundaries to flourish. Not an understatement to say game changing!

Hope everyone is enjoying the summer – special best wishes to my stateside readers celebrating 4th July yesterday x

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