And so, not for the first time, I find myself in a period of extreme frustration and procrastination.
I’m in a total guddle.
Yup, it’s my old pal Change, back to taunt and tease me with his panacean promises again.
And this time he’s not just here about my writing. It’s everything. All the strands of my life seem to be up in the air and as usual the only cure to the anxiety surrounding new beginnings is the ever so slow passage of time.
To give you a flavour. We’re moving on soon.
Not just to a new house but to a new continent.
We’ll need to learn a new language (no problem) and put down some roots in Scotland before we go (ok, fine) but as yet we’re not sure whether or not we will be transferred to London to join the new team in the interim (arrrgh!)
I love London, but it’s holding bay becomes a terrifying prospect when factoring in the cost of even semi-good living down there. You can look at doubling the cost of renting an apartment and then throw in a few rats and a two-hour daily commute for starters. Goodbye house deposit.
There are several other complicating family matters that I won’t bore you with at the moment, but suffice to say, answers to if and when all this is happening are key to our short-term plans right now.
On the flip side, I’m ridiculously excited. It’s an amazing opportunity. Notionally, a move overseas has been on the cards for years with my husband’s chosen career path and we’ve been feeling ready for another move for a while. As a couple, we’ve always been fairly nomadic in our pursuit of life fulfilment. It’s just the way we roll.
I just want to go NOW!!
Of course, with kids forming part of the equation, decisions and making the right ones take on epic, nausea inducing proportions that are impossible to make in the abstract until opportunities arise. I admire peers who don’t seem phased by this. I’m proud that we haven’t chickened out.
I’ve written in the past about the unpleasant power that can be wielded by third-party decision makers when it comes to the ability to make one’s individual life decisions freely.
That experience taught me that for change to be good, it’s always best to stay ahead of the curve if you want to retain control of your own destiny.
Despite living this learning, the same issue arises again. This time, the gatekeeper is the slow coach in HR who doesn’t seem to appreciate how important securing a simple “yes” or “no” is in our grand scheme.
So right now, I’m just wading through mud waiting for an update.
I guess what I’m saying is – if you’re a boss, a case worker, or even just a referee – please pull your finger out and spare a thought for the person having sleepless nights waiting for you to put them out of their misery!
I conclude by sticking by my theory that change is great, but that patience is a necessary virtue and something that I seemingly don’t possess!
Have you ever courted change only to discover your elation to be thwarted by “those in charge” at every turn? Or do you think life is all about manoeuvering around gatekeepers?
Glasgowdragonfly's Blog 
Fingers and toes crossed for a decision soon for you guys x
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Thanks my dear! Appreciate all the crossing xx
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You had me at “total guddle”. I’ve added it to my lifetime Scottish favorites.
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Haha! Glad to have been of service. It was a toss up between “guddle” and “fankle” but the former seems the subtly more appropriate under the circumstances.
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I can identify with so much of what you have written having done the whole immigration malarkey. That period of not knowing and knowing but then not having a timeline was excruciating. We had no choice but to start thinning out our possessions and doing things to prepare for a massive relocation because we knew our transitional period was going to be so condensed. Then suddenly it was all systems go as my husband was asked to start work in the US much earlier than he had been led to believe previously. Thankfully the Embassy fitted us in swiftly for our immigration interviews otherwise the kids and I would have been stuck in limbo for even longer than we were. So it is exciting and an adventure but also stressful and your life feeling like it is at the whim of one person or a small team of people is extremely frustrating – especially if, like me, you are a control freak. So I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible for you, that everything comes together and that the inevitable stress is at least minimised. I look forward to seeing where your adventure takes you.
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Thank you so much for your words of reassurance, Laura. I was hoping you would comment as a fellow Scottish mum on the expat circuit. It’s a funny mix of excitement and trepidation but I can’t wait to journal the highs and lows and see where it all takes us. Watch this space!
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You will have lots to write about, that’s for sure. That’s actually why I started my blog in the first place.
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Ooh, exciting! But nerve-wracking too. Hope your guddle isn’t too overwhelming in the meantime! xx (You should see ours. We move in 18 days.)
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Thanks Linda! It feels a bit like organised chaos but I’m sure we’ll get there. Not long for you now – I feel your pain – but the end is hopefully (finally) in sight! X
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Oh, hugs and good wishes to you. I’ve always been a bit of a change-junkie, but even in the most joyous of leaps into the unknown come the moments of sheer terror and wishes for the safe and known. Your head and your heart are pushing you forward, but always know the place you are leaving isn’t going anywhere. You can always return. Someday.
Guddle. Stealing 🙂
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Aww Julie, I love those sentiments – you have a real way with words 😘 thank you! I hereby grant you a royalty free worldwide license to use “guddle” – best language of all! X
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Perhaps you can hear me screaming. I have several opportunities I am waiting to hear about but the gatekeepers will not say yea or nay and it is making me crazy.
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I feel your pain Jack, there’s nothing worse than a bureaucrat standing between you and the rest of your life. I shall keep my eyes peeled for updates and my fingers crossed for you!
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