On judging & being judged for romance

Two friends. Same city. Each, more often than not, unattached.

The girl – Mary

Right. Let’s just say my friend’s mom’s cat’s friend has a dilemma.

Shit. I’m confusing myself.

I’m going to have to give them all fake names now, aren’t I?


Forget the mom. And the cat. (Both poetic licence)


Sarah hears things about her best friend Mary’s boyfriend (Todd) from a mutual friend, Jane whom Mary has confided in.

These things are in Todd’s history, including past relationships, jobs (and what not).

Keeping up so far?


Just checking.

Yet, Mary has said that she would rather confide in Jane than Sarah, because she is afraid that Sarah will be “too judgemental” about the information on Todd.

As an aside, I happen to know the whole story fourth hand, and my take on it all is that Todd’s general existence must be pretty fucked up right now if what Mary told Jane, who naughtily told my friend Sarah (who Mary wouldn’t tell) is true.

There’s a whole other post thread that could be generated at this juncture about the merits and de-merits of the rumour mill and keeping secrets.

But I shall park those meaty topics for now.

By the by, I have met Todd and my neutral opinion is that he is a total dick head. But I have not told anyone this as I do not wish to become embroiled in what is fast becoming a fall out situation.

But this is not about me.

So what?

Here’s what.

At what point did being “too judgemental” become code for “being honest” and looking out for a buddy?

Should Sarah confront Mary about the nefariously gathered intel? But then what about Jane, the leak in all of this?

Sure, Mary can do what she wants with Todd but it annoys me slightly that Mary is offloading her fear of Sarah being honest with her as a negative label to sit with Sarah, the good guy in all this.

If Mary can’t stand the heat, she should get out if the kitchen.

But I don’t think that’s the problem.

I do however have a sneaking suspicion that she thrives on high drama, irrespective of the cast.

Todd’s leading man status is on predictably shaky ground.

And that my friends is her biggest problem when it comes to finding lasting romance.

The boy – James

So, at the other side of town, my friend James says that he has and will dump a girl if he feels that her behaviour in restaurants is not up to scratch, no matter how pretty or intelligent or nice she is.

Or any combination thereof.

Forget GSOH. This is of key importance to him.

Decent behaviour is defined solely by eating habits.

Specifically, he tells me that this could include, but not be limited to:

🍟 general fussiness;
🍡 going “off-menu”;
πŸ† ordering salad (other than at lunch, provided it is inclusive of dressing), or;
πŸ” a burger sans bun;

and/or being a very wasteful, or slow eater.

Coast erosion, he calls it.

Tick any of these boxes and it’s bye-bye birdy.

His theory is simple.

Fussy eater means fussy in life.

Zero tolerance.

Interestingly, as I witnessed first hand only last week in our local wine bar, drunken antics do not seem to form part of the definition of “behaviour,” as he sees it.

On the contrary, it seems that James positively encourages the mojitos to flow, to the point of vomit if necessary.

His rules I guess.

Make of that what you will.

Despite this quirk, and being somewhat dubious of the theory, I have been observing my own compadrades dining activities through this prism for the last few months and actually find it to be a generally very astute observation.

Try it. It’s surprisingly telling.

But about who?

So what?

Yeah exactly.

One shouldn’t care what other people think or how they do stuff.

Anyways, the big question is, do you think that I should set Mary and James up on a blind date?



14 thoughts on “On judging & being judged for romance”

  1. I think James is a twit, Todd is a twat, and poor old Sarah needs to come with a much better class of friend all around. If you attempt to set her up with James, without telling her about his restaurant-assholery, then I’m guessing your name is Jane.

    BTW: so, so sorry that my first comment on your lovely blog is a snarkfest. I found you via #BlogMondays, and wanted to check you out because we’re new to Glasgow. And I have to say that I did get a big kick out of your other posts. I’ll be back and (hopefully) much nicer.


    1. Haha – love it and you are spot on!! Other than I’m not Jane. That’s why I think Mary and James could be great together πŸ˜‰
      Thanks for reading and for your awesome comment. Oh new to Glasgow-brill! Where are you from?

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Totally agree! Although these characters (and the narrator) are technically speaking fictional, all three are based on real people that I know. I am endlessly fascinated by how people choose or end up with the mates they do and also the role of so called match-makers. It’s a funny old world! Thanks for reading Kathy πŸ˜‰


  2. I think you should do it, record it, and potentially post it on Youtube. Could be funny… Apart from that, thank you for the highly entertaining post! It did fuel a theory I’ve been elaborating, one that states adults don’t change one bit from high school. I mean damn, you grown ups have to deal with more drama than we do! ^_~


    1. Haha – you speak the truth DragonSpark. Basically, some people just never grow up, are weird and love to gossip. Acceptance of this makes life a lot easier to navigate! Best wishes πŸ˜‰


  3. Haha! That last question is funny in light of all the information you give us about the two.
    ALSO — I think by limiting a person by how fussy they are with food (what about dietary restrictions??), he may be missing out on potentially great people. Just my two cents.


    1. Thank you! You know, I asked him about dietary requirements. He thought that I had a valid point but that he couldn’t be bothered dealing with that either?!!? Completely agree with your comments! It’s no wonder he stays single. Great to see you here πŸ˜‰


  4. James must be rather young to have such stringent guidelines. I would have never been a finicky eater on a date before, but doctor’s orders are doctor’s orders. It seems Mary is still dealing with Todd-aftermath. I’d let it sit for a while and, later, invite them both to the same place and see what happens. That’s assuming I’m the type to matchmake, which, I’m not.


  5. I have no advice except to say it’s a great story and captivated me from the start, oh and I don’t know whether to be annoyed by James or impressed by his ability to categorize people so aptly. Maybe I’m taking this too personal because I go off the menu a lot but I might also be a fussy person generally. πŸ˜‰


    1. Hi Patricia! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post. People like James fascinate me. It’s easy to think “well, he is just odd” but actually I wonder whether a lot of people think this way secretly. Best wishes πŸ˜‰


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