Two friends. Same city. Each, more often than not, unattached.
The girl – Mary
Right. Let’s just say my friend’s mom’s cat’s friend has a dilemma.
Shit. I’m confusing myself.
I’m going to have to give them all fake names now, aren’t I?
Forget the mom. And the cat. (Both poetic licence)
Sarah hears things about her best friend Mary’s boyfriend (Todd) from a mutual friend, Jane whom Mary has confided in.
These things are in Todd’s history, including past relationships, jobs (and what not).
Keeping up so far?
Yet, Mary has said that she would rather confide in Jane than Sarah, because she is afraid that Sarah will be “too judgemental” about the information on Todd.
As an aside, I happen to know the whole story fourth hand, and my take on it all is that Todd’s general existence must be pretty fucked up right now if what Mary told Jane, who naughtily told my friend Sarah (who Mary wouldn’t tell) is true.
There’s a whole other post thread that could be generated at this juncture about the merits and de-merits of the rumour mill and keeping secrets.
But I shall park those meaty topics for now.
By the by, I have met Todd and my neutral opinion is that he is a total dick head. But I have not told anyone this as I do not wish to become embroiled in what is fast becoming a fall out situation.
But this is not about me.
At what point did being “too judgemental” become code for “being honest” and looking out for a buddy?
Should Sarah confront Mary about the nefariously gathered intel? But then what about Jane, the leak in all of this?
Sure, Mary can do what she wants with Todd but it annoys me slightly that Mary is offloading her fear of Sarah being honest with her as a negative label to sit with Sarah, the good guy in all this.
If Mary can’t stand the heat, she should get out if the kitchen.
But I don’t think that’s the problem.
I do however have a sneaking suspicion that she thrives on high drama, irrespective of the cast.
Todd’s leading man status is on predictably shaky ground.
And that my friends is her biggest problem when it comes to finding lasting romance.
The boy – James
So, at the other side of town, my friend James says that he has and will dump a girl if he feels that her behaviour in restaurants is not up to scratch, no matter how pretty or intelligent or nice she is.
Or any combination thereof.
Forget GSOH. This is of key importance to him.
Decent behaviour is defined solely by eating habits.
Specifically, he tells me that this could include, but not be limited to:
🍟 general fussiness;
🍵 going “off-menu”;
🍆 ordering salad (other than at lunch, provided it is inclusive of dressing), or;
🍔 a burger sans bun;
and/or being a very wasteful, or slow eater.
Coast erosion, he calls it.
Tick any of these boxes and it’s bye-bye birdy.
His theory is simple.
Fussy eater means fussy in life.
Interestingly, as I witnessed first hand only last week in our local wine bar, drunken antics do not seem to form part of the definition of “behaviour,” as he sees it.
On the contrary, it seems that James positively encourages the mojitos to flow, to the point of vomit if necessary.
His rules I guess.
Make of that what you will.
Despite this quirk, and being somewhat dubious of the theory, I have been observing my own compadrades dining activities through this prism for the last few months and actually find it to be a generally very astute observation.
Try it. It’s surprisingly telling.
But about who?
One shouldn’t care what other people think or how they do stuff.
Anyways, the big question is, do you think that I should set Mary and James up on a blind date?