Becoming a leader – part 1

Lots of career lessons learned lately. Leaders love to lead, not to be left out of loops. Leaders loathe feeling like losers. I am now a leader. But am I also a loser?

I shall share some stories over the coming days and weeks with you that have been like light bulbs for me as I acclimatise to the thinner air the higher I climb. It would be fair to say I feel outside my comfort zone in a way I did not expect. 

I thought my new job title would empower me by giving me free access all areas to those previously closed senior email loops and top secret meetings; but no, it turns out, a step up is just another layer of people vying for the same access ahead of their next step up. 

Look behind and the vacuum of me is already being devoured below as an opportunity for others ready to shine presents further below. 

Ugh. Levelling up feels hard as the fresh meat. We all need to start somewhere though, right?

Why am I surprised it feels like this? Probably because I have been so focused clinging on to the side of the ladder poised with my foot for my next step up that I have lost sight of the big picture in a corporate ladder sense. 

It has been about me selling myself as a future leader. I am now a fledgling leader. A newborn needing to learn the necessary life skills to thrive here. To pull the right levers at the right time.

Read back the first two paragraphs above though. “I” and “feeling” – ego and emotion. Of course critical to who I am as a person, a woman and of course my what and why – how I show up, my key drivers. My career is very important to me.

A first huge and initially quite devastating realisation – being a leader means it is no longer all about me – or more specifically about feeding my ego to have the confidence to progress. It is now about walking the talk.

How I feel when I am not in loop directly vs others in my team and why this upsets (frustrates) me may not need to be flagged up or hashed out to more senior people in a way I could previous brat it out with a manager. I have no allies beyond a point.

If I can reconcile that it really should not be all about my own irritation, it should now be all about ignoring politics, turning down my feminist ego, recognising I don’t need to be in the FOMO zone and just support by leading my brilliant team FROM the bench to continually succeed and grow, life will be so much less angsty and earn the respect from on high.

I am almost there on this. …But why is the change so hard to swallow…?